Dec 31st 2019!

End of a year.   End of a decade!

I can't even remember everything that has happened this last year let alone the last 10 years!   
I do know this has been a rough year mentally for me.   Many changes at work leading to high levels of stress.

I look back at the picture above and just wonder where it all went wrong.   I was so proud of myself.  I lost 65 pounds and had kept it off for 3-4 years.   

I switched jobs and started sitting at a desk 40 hrs a week vs working physically at my job for 12 hours a day.     Slowly the weight all came back on and here I am....Last day of the year and I am 2lbs heavier than I was when I started 7 years ago.

I have decided that I will not let this get me down.   I turned 40 and losing the weight seems so much harder.   That is no longer an excuse.   I will do my best and control what I can and see what happens.   

I plan to run a couple of 1/2 marathons this year and in order to do that I need to get healthier.     I just want to be happy.   That is all we can hope for right!

So the advice I can give is treat ourselves like we treat our pets.   Feed ourselves, get the health care we need and just try to be the best version of ourselves.

Here is to 2020 and another 10 years!

Running

Okay so the title of this is running not sure if that's exactly what I do these days I call myself too fat to fit mom because that's what I was trying to do instead over the last few years I've actually just gain more weight which has been hard and it's been very hard on the running I'm sitting here waiting to run my 4th annual Houdini 10K in Appleton Wisconsin which is an absolutely awesome race fun to run lots of people great time at the end and it's one thing I do with my sister every year I'm very excited for it and I'm sitting here waiting and waiting in anticipation of how this one's going to go I've been running probably for a boat not a real seven or eight years now and this is the most unprepared I have ever been for a race in my life the most they ran in the last year it's probably been about 3 miles and that's just running walking intervals today I have to run 6.14 miles and it's definitely going to be intervals and it's going to be tough getting my weight down 269 pounds from 235 was an amazing feeling but now gaining back up to being 232 lb has made running extremely difficult hard on my body but yet I want to keep doing it so I don't know maybe the blog should be changed from fat to fit mom to just fat Runner
I'll keep running I just may have to take it easier to more intervals and maybe run less because of how hard it is on my body but someday I hope that the wait will start coming back off again so that I can enjoy longer runs like I used to so here I am waiting and cannot wait to go it should be a good time I'll check back in after to let everyone know how it went just want you to know that it doesn't matter your size shape or weight you can do whatever you want to do as long as you are happy with it

Monday July 17th 2017

07/17/2017

Well, here I am again.   Rock bottom?  I don't know.  I hope to gosh this is.   201.6!!!  Seriously.   I feel so horrible.  I am so bloated and everything is tight on me...yet I continue to make poor food choices.    What was it in me in the past that drove me to do so well?  I lost 60 pounds and felt fabulous.   Now I am depressed and tired all the time.   Angry at myself.    And besides all of that I have nothing to wear.  I could lose 20-25 pounds and have an entirely new wardrobe again.   What needs to happen for me to get back in that mindset.    I love to work out?  I love to cook?   I just work out and keeping eating crap.   I like food way too much, however these days I am not liking how it makes me feel.   I once again had myself a pity party this morning.   I was not going to go work out at my TRX class because I am certain they can see the weight gain.   well come on!  I gained 20 pounds since knowing them guys.  They will have to see it for sure.   I left my work out clothes at home and I was not going to work out.   Brought my shoes...maybe I will go for a little walk.   Well, God was looking over me...  I messaged my instructor to let her know I would not be at class.   She of course just asked if everything was ok.   I told her that I am fine no worries.  Just having a bad day.   She is an angel.  she offered me workout clothes if I would come to class.  I wasn't sure.  I was feeling fat and stupid and embarrassed.   She kept on knowing that it was for the best for me.   She confided in me as well and we decided to make a plan.   Thank you so much for friends like this in my life.  She opened my eyes.  Her and I are going to work on this together.  No diets or get slim quick ideas.   Healthy living...not just with my body but my mind.  Feeling that I have someone on my side really helps.   So please, if you ever feel alone, reach out,  speak up, there are others out there and together we can be happy and healthy! 

Monday May 22nd 2017

once again I have gone MIA.  I sit and wonder why do I have a page called Fat to Fit mom when the fit parts seems to not happen.    I take 100% full responsibility for this.   I am not doing what needs to be done.   I am over eating so I am counter acting any of the working out I am doing.   SO basically I am wasting my time.      I have been pretty depressed lately and my weight going up is not helping.     I have to admit…today I was at a pretty low point.   I actually went back to bed and called work to tell them I would be in late.   I got on the scale this morning and it was 198.8!   WTF?  I know why it is there….why do I do this to myself.   Why do I let myself get like this.   Where was I when I was able to maintain a 168 lb on average.     These 30 pounds are weighing me down in more than one way.    I was determined that I was not going to to go my weekly noon TRX class today.   I was going to skip a week until I had my weight back down.  I felt so ashamed and embarrassed.     I just knew everyone would be able to see it on me.   My gosh.  I have been working out with them for over a year and haven’t gotten any smaller.   I went back to bed and set my alarm for an hour later.    I finally dragged my butt outta bed and decided I need to go to work.     Then I decided I need to pack my workout clothes and I need to go to TRX.     I did the workout and it was hard, but I did it.     I feel better but I am still very upset with myself.    I feel that it did help me avoid the gas station for my iced coffee that I generally treat myself with.     Yeah,  how does that work….bust my butt in a workout and then reward myself with food?  Pretty sure I am undoing all of the hard work I did.  In fact I know I am because it shows on my body and on the scale.   Enough is enough already.  Time to get my head in the game  (words I have said before….)   When will this finally stick again.   I am miserable fat.   I am miserable when my clothes are too tight.   I am miserable when I have to buy larger clothes so I don’t feel so miserable.    I need to stay strong and get through this.    I just feel like everyone is judging me.   I lost all this weight and gained ½ of it back.   Im sure they are all watching….waiting for me to fail and gain the other 30 pounds back.     I have to take a stand.  I will not let it happen.     Hard to think I can do it with Memorial day weekend coming.   All the food and drinks.     I have to make a meal plan and stick to it!    Ok.  I am sorry that I have gone on and on and on, but I want everyone to realize that weight loss isn’t always so easy.   Calories in vs calories out.    There are many other  factors that go on in the human brain that side track us.     We have to learn to overcome these!