Monday May 22nd 2017

once again I have gone MIA.  I sit and wonder why do I have a page called Fat to Fit mom when the fit parts seems to not happen.    I take 100% full responsibility for this.   I am not doing what needs to be done.   I am over eating so I am counter acting any of the working out I am doing.   SO basically I am wasting my time.      I have been pretty depressed lately and my weight going up is not helping.     I have to admit…today I was at a pretty low point.   I actually went back to bed and called work to tell them I would be in late.   I got on the scale this morning and it was 198.8!   WTF?  I know why it is there….why do I do this to myself.   Why do I let myself get like this.   Where was I when I was able to maintain a 168 lb on average.     These 30 pounds are weighing me down in more than one way.    I was determined that I was not going to to go my weekly noon TRX class today.   I was going to skip a week until I had my weight back down.  I felt so ashamed and embarrassed.     I just knew everyone would be able to see it on me.   My gosh.  I have been working out with them for over a year and haven’t gotten any smaller.   I went back to bed and set my alarm for an hour later.    I finally dragged my butt outta bed and decided I need to go to work.     Then I decided I need to pack my workout clothes and I need to go to TRX.     I did the workout and it was hard, but I did it.     I feel better but I am still very upset with myself.    I feel that it did help me avoid the gas station for my iced coffee that I generally treat myself with.     Yeah,  how does that work….bust my butt in a workout and then reward myself with food?  Pretty sure I am undoing all of the hard work I did.  In fact I know I am because it shows on my body and on the scale.   Enough is enough already.  Time to get my head in the game  (words I have said before….)   When will this finally stick again.   I am miserable fat.   I am miserable when my clothes are too tight.   I am miserable when I have to buy larger clothes so I don’t feel so miserable.    I need to stay strong and get through this.    I just feel like everyone is judging me.   I lost all this weight and gained ½ of it back.   Im sure they are all watching….waiting for me to fail and gain the other 30 pounds back.     I have to take a stand.  I will not let it happen.     Hard to think I can do it with Memorial day weekend coming.   All the food and drinks.     I have to make a meal plan and stick to it!    Ok.  I am sorry that I have gone on and on and on, but I want everyone to realize that weight loss isn’t always so easy.   Calories in vs calories out.    There are many other  factors that go on in the human brain that side track us.     We have to learn to overcome these!